just in case she deletes them.. i want them forever

You could have just let the pieces fall..you could've let them fall to the ground and break into even more pieces, but you continue to keep holding it together. You give me hope, you give me love, you give -....Two Is Better Than One...it just came on. And I'm crying..because baby, Maybe it's true that I can't live without you, and maybe it's true that two is better than one.

The words you said to me last night, the good and the bad - they all meant a lot to me. You told me what I needed to hear - I want to know about everything you think, babygirl. I have to know because that's the only way that we're going to get us back. We need to communicate and know what each other is thinking.

I wished last night so hard for you to be with me, and I closed my eyes and you were - I got the best sleep I've had in months. All because of the thought of you, baby. You had me in your arms, you kissed my head and my lips and cheeks. Your fingertips kissed my skin and brought me alive. <3>I know I hurt you tons, but I must have done something right to have such a beautiful girl so deeply in love with me. Do you know that your love is the sweetest sin?

I love you so much,
my Angel on the Moon.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

I Just Need You To Know..

I just feel like I owe you this - something. I want you to get inside my head - to know what I'm feeling. To know what goes on, because you don't talk to me enough to know...and I don't want to get in the way of what you already have going on in your life. I just - feel like I need another chance with you. I know I won't get that right now, you've made it perfectly clear.

I just can't help but sit back and think of the times when we were together, when everything was okay - you made me so happy you really did. You were the escape from the shit relationship I was in. And believe me, baby, and I can really admit this now, you were so perfect to me..You really were. And it breaks my heart that I just - threw that away, yknow? I wasn't thinking. Well, actually I was thinking, but only of myself. I'm good at making excuses. Sigh...If I could turn back time I would. I was thinking earlier about when we went the fair. That day should've been so fun - and I'm sorry for ruining it. I'm sorry for running off and disappearing and not spending time with you. I was jealous of your best friend..I don't know why. Anyone that was around you made me jealous - which is ridiculous..I don't know why I was like that but I was.

I had no reason to not have faith in you - you always had faith in me. You still have faith in me, you still love me even though I treated you like shit and I'm sorry. I really am. And I love you so much, I always will. I push you away because of the mistakes I made. I can't seem to face the fact that I fucked up. I can't force myself to sit around while you are happy. Is he better than me? It wouldn't surprise me. You don't even have any reason to love me anymore. I've wronged you from every which way. And it's entirely selfish of me to ask you now to come back - when it's convenient for me. I know it's wrong. But babygirl, I'm not asking you to be with me for the wrong reasons.. I do love you so much, I do miss you so much..Shit, I'd give anything to just take everything away and start all over again new and fresh - I want to love you right, okay? I really do. It's not cause I have no one left. It's not cause I'm lonely. It's because you were a perfect, amazing, beautiful girl and I fell in love with you.

I hope he's making you happy, baby. I really do. I want you to be happy - I've done you wrong and hurt you for the past 8 months or however long - as much as I just want to bed and plead with you to come back to me and give me one more chance - I just.. Fuck, I know I've had so many..so fucking many. So I'm not going to ask you - not right now. I want you to be ready - if ever - to give me another chance. Just one more - I feel like I'm in the right mind set now. I've actually felt the loss of you - that you're not there anymore. That you're not going to give in to me and just let me back in as it becomes a good time for me to do so. I want you back in my life, Kristina. I miss you so much - I haven't felt you in the longest time it seems.

You have the most beautiful - everything. And I just want you to be mine again.

I love you so much, baby.

But I know the day will come when you'll want me again, you won't be scared of me anymore.

I hate that you're scared of me, that you're not there anymore, that you're with him.

But I deserve every bit of this pain I'm feeling, and I'll endure it - for you.

KMP&TKO - you're inked into my skin forever.