nothing to anyone.

So, today was not the best day. In the least bit. I can't take my test for another month. Lovely. Like I need to be in that shit hole longer...and i've realized that i'm nothing to anyone anymore. I have a problem. I cut off from the world. From the ones I care about. For no apparent reason. They try to reach out to me and I ignore it. Heh, and then the ones I go after, do that same thing to me.
_ _ _ _ _ _- your back home and you're too good enough for me? Now you don't need me? Now you won't cry to me and feed me your fucking lies about missing me and Christmas and all that bullshit. Or are you getting back with that bitch and ignoring me? I have tried countless times to reach you I know you've got them. Thanks for fucking fucking me over again and again and a fucking gain and when you finally do decide to talk to me, i'll fucking forgive you like the asshole I am.

_ _ _ _- Ruin your fucking life bitch. We tried to help you but he's more important obviously. We cared for you, we worried about you, we cried for you, we've done enough for you. I'm gunna sit back and watch now and what's funny is you don't even look back on it. Our friendship, everything we've been through.


These are vague fucking feelings. I just can't think straight.


_ _ _ _- Don't get me started with you. How much shit I put up with, how many times I picked you up when you fell, how many times I forgave you. Another one, I'm good for you when you need me. I saw a future in you. I saw things going right. My Prince. You're just like every other guy. You're not my best friend. I seem to be nothing to you.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _- I don't know how you can forget our years together. Just forget me.


There's more of you. More let downs.

And then there's my let downs. I'm Sorry I don't take your reaching hands. I'm sorry I've failed my family. I'm sorry I've failed myself, and I'm sorry that I don't have the motivation to put it all back together. I ask for help, and he seems to deny me. Karma I suppose, but honestly I need that push. I pray for it.


Texas, you're killing me more each day. I miss our make believe fairytale. Our perfectness.

I miss being a child, where nothing matter except your barbies and bed time stories.
Not Love
Not School
Not Friends, You had your own friends. The imaginary ones were no issue.

I'm dead scared to grow up.

I'm probably gunna be up all night again. I want to shower and watch the sun rise.
I wish I had someone to cuddle with me as I did that.

I don't want responsibilty, I don't want a job, I don't want sex, I don't want school, I don't want anything. I don't want to be on my own.

I sound rediculous. I must look so bad to you reader.
I needed to vent. I'm bawling as i type this.

I'm think I'm done. A shower sounds amazing and I'm sure my dad bitching about it does too. Hah..